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Reporting for the People by People

Writer's pictureTodd Schwartz

FUN FACT: Vampires Can't Smell



Just yesterday while backpacking in rural Cincinatti I came across a man who I confirmed was a vampire at a Starbucks. I came up to him while in line and he had no idea I was standing behind him.


This puzzled me. How could a vampire not know I was standing behind him? I had just eaten a delicious schawrma dinner filled with Garlic sauce. My breath could be smelled from blocks away, easily.


This puzzled me. How could a vampire not know I was standing behind him?

Then it hit me. He couldn't smell. This powerful undying creature, waiting for his caffeine fix at a rural Cincinatti Starbucks, lacked the sense awareness required to detect that I just just feet behind him. If desired, I could end his long life with a simple stab of a nearby piece of wood.


This wasn't the time to do so, so I let him live, ordered my Strawberry Acai Refresher with extra Strawberries and went on my way. This life saving lesson stuck with me. I needed to verify, so I contacted my friend Steve Shazash, a leading mythical creature expert in the industry. He then contacted his friend Elroy, who then checked with this various sources.

Steve Shazash, a leading mythical creature expert in the industry confirmed this to be accurate.

I can 100% confirm that this weakness is real. So spread the word. Vampires do not have a sense of smell. You never know how many lives you might save!

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